I don't know how this happened, but I got sucked into watching Armageddon. It's a really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really stupid movie.
Everything blows up in Armageddon. The drilling rig blows up. New York blows up. Hong Kong blows up. Paris blows up. The Russian space station blows up. One of the space shuttles blows up. The characters all seem to be blowing up at each other all of the time. When they're drilling the hole in the asteroid, everything is fine until they're almost done. Then all of a sudden, there's a meteor shower, and everything starts blowing up. At one point, Bruce Willis goes into a Starbucks, orders a latte, and it blows up. The only thing in the entire movie that doesn't blow up is the nuclear bomb which was designed to blow up. But when they need the thing to blow up, they have to do it manually.
Could somebody explain why they have miniguns? Were they expecting to run into predators on the asteroid? There's a minigun mounted on Ben Affleck's space drilling rig SUV thingie, so presumably there would be one on Bruce Willis' space drilling rig SUV thingie. I guess that's the one that Steve Buscema fires late in the film because he thinks it would be cool. Maybe, they should have left the miniguns behind and doubled up on the nuclear bomb detonators, so that Bruce Willis didn't have to stay behind to push the button.
Every time, you turn around, there's another Aerosmith song playing for like 15 seconds. I swear the soundtrack could be used as a box set for the band. I'm sure that some record company guy told Micheal Bey that if they used a lot of Aerosmith, the soundtrack would blow up, and he assumed he meant it literally.
Liv Tyler, for some inexplicable reason gets to hang out in the control room the entire movie with Billy Bob Thornton. Oh wait, they explained that. She said, she had nowhere else to go. And I guess Billy Bob Thornton figured, "Okay, that's cool by me. Why not have this woman who's emotionally involved with not one but two of the astronauts when we are trying to save the world." I guess they need to keep her there, so they can have her be at Edwards Air Force Base when the shuttle lands to hug Ben Affleck.
Bear in mind that this is a military installation and a top secret space craft, so sure, while we're at it, let's fly in that one guy's estranged wife and son, because he gave the kid a two-dollar space shuttle toy. And we might as well throw in Steve Buscemi's stripper friend. Now, that's a phone call I want to hear. "Yeah, hi. My name is Molly Mounds." [That was the only name on IMDB that sounded like a stripper name. [She says, snapping her gum.] I'm convinced that all strippers chew gum when they talk on the phone.] "I'm one of your astronaut's stripper friends. He bought a lap dance from me with $50,000 of a loan shark's money the night before he went up, and I didn't get a chance to finish it, because he got arrested. So anyway I wanted to come out to where they land the space shuttle, you know that top secret one, so I can finish it up right there on that tarmac." Maybe, Harvey Weinstein was one of the producers.
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